Things I’ve Learned: 2021 Edition
One of my favorite traditions is journaling on New Years’ Day. I love reflecting on the year, on the challenges and the triumphs, on how I’ve changed and how I’ve also stayed true to myself, and I love thinking about what intentions I want to set for the upcoming year. This year was a lot for many people, including myself. So here's what I’ve learned:
The most useless, pointless thing you can do is compare yourself to other people. There really is room for everyone. And everyone has something to offer that only they can. Comparison will only make you miserable for no reason.
Grind/hustle culture is as cheugy as “live laugh love” signs, #girlboss, and infinity scarves. Grinding and hustling and denying your body rest and basic needs isn’t cool anymore (and personally, I don’t think it ever really was). All the cool kids are prioritizing rest, mental health, nourishment, and being mindful. All the cool kids realize that achieving your goals and being kind to yourself are not mutually exclusive. All the cool kids realize that being healthy both physically and mentally is essential to meeting your goals. And all the cool kids realize that who you are is not what you have accomplished. All the cool kids know that hustling isn’t a personality trait, and never has been.
You can be gaslit by people who love you, too. And it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. But it does mean that it’s ok for you to set stricter boundaries with these people.
Authenticity is better than perfection. And making mistakes is not the end of the world.
Speaking of mistakes, you’re gonna make them. Lots of them. Get comfortable with being wrong and learning from it. Get comfortable with being educated on something you didn’t know. Get comfortable with the idea that you won’t get it right all the time, but as long as you are doing the best you can, that’s all that matters.
Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And the only beholder you should really care about is yourself.
Things like acne, scars, body hair, a stomach that isn’t flat — let’s stop thinking of these things as ugly or imperfect, and let’s start thinking of them as human. You’re not less beautiful if you have these things. You’re just human. We all have these things.
Investing in a career/art/hobby/goal/etc is about a lot more than just money. In fact, investing your time and energy and patience is far more important than investing money. “Invest in your career/art/etc” is too often used to make you feel guilty for not blowing large amounts of money on your goals, and it’s weaponized against you (“Well you’re not successful because you didn't iNvEsT”). There is nothing wrong with finding the most cost-effective way for you to work towards your goals. And we really should stop shaming people for not wanting to choose between spending money towards their goals, or paying their rent or groceries. You are not unworthy of pursuing a career/art/goal just because you don’t have as much money as someone else. And it should not be a requirement that you deny your body its basic needs just to pursue a career/art/goal. That is so obviously inhumane and it is mind-boggling how so many people readily and willingly accept it as a rite of passage. It is not.
Nepotism and bias permeate pretty much every industry there is. Once you become aware of this fact, you start to see it everywhere. And hopefully, once you start seeing it, you’ll want to change it. There’s power in numbers. I hope more of us start to demand a more equitable world. Human beings deserve to live a life with dignity and basic needs and time for rest and enjoyment.
Be a human first. Whether this is at work, in business, or anywhere, really — be mindful that the person you are speaking with is a human being BEFORE they are a professional. They’re a human being before they’re a writer/speaker/healthcare worker/grocery store worker/musician/consultant/etc. Don’t just ask them about how they’re doing because it’s polite to do so — actually care about the answer. Actually care about their well-being. When you network and form relationships with people as you build up your career — care about them as people first, rather than about what they can do for you. When you realize that these people you deal with on a daily basis are human beings too, a couple things happen. First, there’s less pressure on YOU to be perfect. You’re just human beings connecting, and that feels so much more manageable than you trying to impress someone you put on a pedestal. Second, they also feel more comfortable with you. The connection feels more organic. And because it feels more organic, it becomes a stronger, more authentic connection.
Speaking of being a human first — be mindful that the person you are reaching out to has a life. They have a family, they have friends, they have hobbies. If you don’t like receiving business emails outside of working hours, then don’t send other people business emails outside of working hours. You can schedule-send emails. Schedule it for the next morning, or for the next business day. Remember, if something is urgent — you either need to redefine your definition of “urgent,” or you need to call 911. There is no in-between.
Keeping your social media “positive” and free of any kind of political or social commentary does not have the effect you intended. I realize that some people want their social media to feel like a nice respite from the negativity in the world, but honestly, part of fighting that negativity is addressing it, and choosing to stand against it. When I see people choosing to stand on the right side of history, choosing to fight for a more equitable world — to me, THAT’S positivity. THAT’S what gives me hope. But choosing to ignore the negativity and pretend it’s not there — that’s just shallow, toxic positivity and ignorance. And it’s not a good look.
Jesus was a socialist. Sorry not sorry to all the conservative Christians out there who think Jesus was a white, gun-toting capitalist. Nope. He was a Middle Eastern socialist who gave out free food and free healthcare and spent time with prostitutes and the poor and lepers and tax collectors. To be Christ-like is to fight for healthcare for all. To be Christ-like is to fight for accessible education. To be Christ-like is to want student debt to be forgiven, just as Jesus Christ paid our debts on the cross without expecting anything in return. To be Christ-like is to want to build bridges instead of walls and make peace with those who are different from us, with those who look different from us and pray differently than us and speak differently than us. So before you call yourself a Christian, ask yourself if you do any of these things.
Speaking of praying differently, I personally think that if there is, indeed, a single higher power — I doubt they nitpick as to which organized religion you subscribe to. Read The Last Battle by CS Lewis. If you’re a good person, it doesn’t really matter which faith you practiced and which traditions you adhered to. Right or wrong aren’t beholden to what a religious leader thinks— right and wrong are intrinsic. There are certain acts and beliefs that are intrinsically right, and intrinsically wrong. You don’t need an organized religion to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong; I think if you’re a good person, these are things you just know. The debates that some organized religions have over gender equality and sexuality and reproductive rights and science are not rooted in right vs. wrong. They’re just rooted in fear, hate, ignorance, and oppression. Organized religion is a human institution — not a divine one. And organized religion can be flawed, just as anything else that’s human. I don’t think there’s one “true” religion. I think that organized religion can serve as a vessel for human beings to understand and comprehend some kind of divinity and spirituality, but I think it’s dangerous to allow the organized religion itself to take the place of the divine and spiritual.
If you defend billionaires and wealthy celebrities, just stop. Like seriously — what do you gain by going to bat for them in the comments section? Every single billionaire that exists has exploited others. It is literally, physically impossible for you to become a billionaire just by honest work. And the wealthy celebrities you love don’t care about you. These people don't need us to defend them; they don’t need our protection. They need to be held accountable. They need to pay taxes. They need to use their money and their platform to fund programs that actually help people. They have enough money to solve so many of the world’s problems, while still being richer than many of us will ever be. If you had that kind of money, would you hoard it or would you help? If your answer is anything but the latter, you need to re-evaluate yourself.
Capitalism, white supremacy, and the patriarchy are the unholy trinity that is keeping us all trapped. These three things are all connected. They all beget each other. Because they are all based in colonialism, and colonialism was borne out of greed and oppression. I think too many people treat wealth inequality, education access, racism, gender inequality, and all those other issues, as completely separate things. But they’re not. They’re all connected. And they all can be rooted back to the unholy trinity. And so, the way to fight wealth inequality is to fight capitalism, white supremacy, and the patriarchy. The way to fight education access is to fight capitalism, white supremacy, and the patriarchy. And so on and so forth. And while fighting these three things seems like a huge undertaking, the silver lining is that if you knock down one, the other two start to crumble. If we dismantle capitalism, as a natural consequence, white supremacy and the patriarchy start to crumble too. And the same thing happens if we dismantle white supremacy, or the patriarchy. Capitalism, white supremacy, and the patriarchy cannot exist on their own. Each of these things needs the other two to exist. So if we take down one, the other two will fall as well. So let’s get to work.
